A Turd By Any Other Name… (Part One)

(Fair warning: Here be there politics!)

Good morning class! Before we begin, you’re going to want to put on your protective gear – because it’s about to get ugly and potentially dangerous in these parts. And since I love you all, I wouldn’t want to see anyone lose an eye from flying shrapnel.

Everyone ready? Okay. Stand back. I'm about to really take a sledgehammer to the Hummer: As far as I'm concerned, the most nefarious crime committed by the Bush Administration is reframing the debate on a number of issues by conducting an insidious, but well-coordinated campaign to change the terms, or words, involved. (Thanks for the assist Fox News, Bill O’Really?, Rush “I-Should-Burn-In-Hell-But-I’ll-Probably-Wind-Up-In” Limbo and Glenn “Chicken Little” Blech!) 

This clever but nasty policy had the end result of making it impossible to discuss a number of topics without having said discussion on THEIR terms. In some extreme cases, after the new term had become widespread, it became impossible to debate some issues at all without appearing to be a seditious troublemaker.

"Curses! Foiled again!

BTW, if you look in the dictionary under the word “insidious,” you’ll see Karl Rove’s picture. Of course, it’s also next to “creep,” “cheat,” “liar,” “racist,” “bigot,” “misogynist,” “homophobe,” “criminal,” “sleaze,” “big business crony,” “elitist” and about a dozen other vile entries. Even man’s best friend is wise to Rove and his dirty tricks. Our dog Cole was prone to howling during W’s term in office whenever anyone on television – or in our home – said, “Karl Rove.” Seriously.

If you need a quick lesson on Rove's character to help you understand how he could be fully capable of this sneaky scheme, take a gander at this incident, which he's written off as "a youthful prank" but actually shows his slimy, anything-to-win strategies began early in life. (First though, I have to note in all honesty that even though I don’t believe for one moment every word on Wikipedia is 100 percent accurate, it’s more often than not on target about the general topic.)

Here’s a passage from Rove’s Wikipedia entry:

“In the fall of 1970, Rove used a false identity to enter the campaign office of Democrat Alan J. Dixon, who was running for Treasurer of Illinois. He stole 1000 sheets of paper with campaign letterhead, printed fake campaign rally fliers promising ‘free beer, free food, girls and a good time for nothing,’ and distributed them at rock concerts and homeless shelters, with the effect of disrupting Dixon's rally. (Dixon eventually won the election).

Rove's role would not become publicly known until August 1973. Rove told the Dallas Morning News in 1999, ‘It was a youthful prank at the age of 19 and I regret it.’ In his memoir, Rove wrote that when he was later nominated to the Board for International Broadcasting by President George H.W. Bush, Senator Dixon did not kill his nomination. In Rove's account, ‘Dixon displayed more grace than I had shown and kindly excused this youthful prank.’”

Kudos Sen. Dixon for not being a self-serving jackass! It was a good thing for young Karl (and everyone who benefited from his evil schemes later on) that there are people in this world who are better humans than he is. But enough about old “Turd Blossom,” as W was fond of calling Rove, on to business.

Now that we’ve seen the last of W and his “Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight And Wouldn’t Anyway Even If They Could” (for the time being anyway), it's time to change some of these words back. That way we can all once again begin to have an honest and thoughtful debate about some important issues.

Since this is obviously a topic I have VERY strong opinions about, and since I’m aware that even the most passionate among us can only stand so much rant at one time, I’ve decided to make it easier on you by breaking the discussion up into several posts. And we’ll start with a word that makes my blood run cold:

"Homeland" - You cannot honestly tell me that every time you hear someone utter this Karl Christian Rove and Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney-created atrocity you don't immediately suffer visions of jack-booted Nazis and grinning Hitler Youth. (Or something worse!) There was nothing at all wrong with the word we've used for decades, "domestic," as in “domestic security” and “domestic policy.” It’s a perfectly good word.

See, Rove and Cheney's whole M.O. is/was fear. "Domestic" conveys a sense of warmth and a certain measure of security – Grandma and Grandpa sitting quietly by the fire on a chilly evening while their dog Max curls up on the rug near the hearth. "Homeland" brings to mind a group of natives united against an evil force, besieged on all fronts by real and imagined enemies from inside and out. In Hitler's case, he used Jewish people (along with Gypsies and homosexuals) as his scapegoat. Conservatives in this country now most often blame the nation's ills on Muslims, Liberals (I love how conservatives sound exactly like the ladies in “The Music Man” when they say this word – you know, “Chaucer, Rabelais … BALL-zac!”) and "the educated elite" or “the Intelligentsia.”

I find the last one particularly amusing because most leading Conservatives (including good-old-boy W) went to Ivy League schools. Don’t believe me? Look it up for yourself. And these wolves-in-sheep’s-clothing are playing "middle American"-average Joe-Conservatives, many of whom are good people that are sincere in their beliefs and concerns, like a freaking fiddle while laughing all the way to the bank.

So let's do ourselves - and those poor souls who are always looking over their shoulders, under their beds and in the back seats of their cars before they get in - a favor and return to those halcyon days of "domestic" bliss! (See? "Homeland" bliss just doesn't have quite the same ring, does it?)

“Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.” – Mark Twain

Have a great weekend! And remember, it’s always happy hour somewhere…

Jim

Coming up next time: "Those lazy slackers and their freakin' entitlements!"