|I've got the pinecones covered. You man the weed-eater!|
|I've got it! It's not drug or alcohol abuse: It's hair gel poisoning!|
|Hmm... Maybe this is a "Manchurian Candidate" scenario. Sheen was actually kidnapped in The Phillipines while filming "Platoon" and brainwashed into a human time bomb.|
Dear Chuck Lorre and CBS. I have come up with two solutions to the question of how to move forward with "Two and a Half Men." Feel free to use either one – with my compliments.
Solution #1: (This would be my preferred solution because it also ends the show.) Charlie and Rose get engaged. Charlie leaves Rose at the altar and runs away. Charlie is found murdered on the beach in Malibu. Everyone thinks Rose did it, but it turns out to be a "Murder on the Orient Express" situation: Everyone on the show killed Charlie, including Berta and Jake.
Solution #2: Charlie discovers he has a conscience after all, joins the Peace Corps and is never heard from again. Meanwhile a woman (played by Parker Posey or Gina Gershon) shows up claiming Evelyn is her mother. Evelyn swears this can't possibly be true because she never had a daughter. When genetic testing reveals the woman to be Evelyn's child, it's revealed that she DID give up a baby - a boy born before Charlie. And said child had a sex change and is now EXACTLY like a younger version of Evelyn. (Or a female Charlie, same diff...)
I believe either solution will make it clear that “Two and a Half Men” has NEVER been about Charlie Sheen. Essentially, he’s as integral to the show as the piano that sits in Charlie Harper’s living room.
Whatever happens going forward, please keep up the great work, Mr. Lorre. Not only do my partner Eric and I enjoy watching every show you’ve produced – all the way from “Grace Under Fire” to “Mike and Molly” – your vanity cards are the highlight of our week. (Thank goodness for the DVR and the Internet!)
Sincerely, a true fan of well-written and brilliantly acted situation comedy,